Parent Shame and Car Seats

It’s National Child Passenger Safety Week!

Last week, in a fit of irritation, I wrote a little tweetstorm on how irritated I am with the notion of “parent shaming”.

And I really meant all of it. Yesterday, I got called to help a very well-meaning family who knew something was up with their car seat and wanted it to be installed correctly. Once I got there, though, I looked at the seat and realized it was not only an expired seat, but a recalled seat. But it’s so common to buy used car seats, many parents don’t even question it.  Or what about this viral video from last month? Here. Here’s a screenshot:


I haven’t watched the full video, nor do I care to. Why? Because every time I look at this I get sick to my stomach. Not only is this an infant seat that’s ONLY supposed to go backwards, but I’m pretty certain it’s close to 10 years old, the straps aren’t even on one of the little boy’s shoulders, and my WORD…what is going on with the seatbelt? It’s over the arm, it’s…it’s just a mess. There is almost no likelihood that this poor sweet little boy would escape a crash without major injuries or worse.

Or what about this video?


The straps are too loose, they are falling off, and she’s too young to be facing forward. Truthfully, 99.9% of the videos and pictures parents post of their kids in car seats have at least one horrible, obvious flaw. Nothing else you buy is THIS critical to keeping your child alive. Nothing. And yes, for a variety of reasons, car seats are just really hard to use correctly. It also doesn’t help when parents so commonly are exposed to other parents making unsafe choices, such as:

  • Buying used car seats
  • Choosing to use expired car seats
  • Placing car seats on top of carts, tables, chairs….
  • Keeping babies in a car seat when they aren’t in a car
  • Turning a baby to be forward facing when they turn 1
  • Letting a baby nap in a car seat outside of the car
  • Not keeping a baby buckled in when the car seat is being used in a stroller
  • Using coats under car seat straps

Parents don’t want to hear that they’ve been doing something that puts their children in danger. I would never DREAM of going up to a parent when I see any of the above things. No matter how it’s phrased, it’s never taken well. Ever. So we try to educate broadly, and I go along and say a silent prayer every time I see a baby sleeping in a car seat, head falling forward, or a $450 car seat precariously perched on top of a shopping cart.

If you’ve been committing any of these car seat cardinal sins, today should be the day you stop. Car crashes are on the rise as more and more people are driving while distracted. Nothing is more important than keeping your children safe. There’s always a solution to every car seat problem. Have a trained professional, a Child Passenger Safety Technician (like me!), help you out if you need it. But really, don’t brush it off. Please.



Veronica Jacobsen, BA, CLC, CPST, LCCE, FACCE
Birth Doula, Certified Lactation Counselor, Child Passenger Safety Technician, Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator, Fellow of the Academy of Certified Childbirth Educators

Opening BabyLove in September of 2011 has allowed me to build a space where all families can come to get good information in a caring, welcoming environment. I have found that not only do I love teaching more than ever, but I also really love running a business. Hopefully my passion for every aspect of BabyLove shines through.
I live in Richfield with my husband, and I am a mother of a two great children. When I can steal a few free moments, I love to go on adventures with my family, cook, garden, thrift, can, and craft.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

× nine = 36