I haven’t done #realmomconfessions for awhile. A few months ago, a Facebook friend complained about how petty the practice seemed, and I couldn’t have disagreed with her more. All of us are carrying our own challenges every. Single. Day. and it’s really crappy to go up to someone who is struggling on any level in any way, shape, or form and to downplay those struggles. What I love about this process is that it’s allowing us to take a small step out of the shadows and admit the things that we’re working through as women and as moms. I’m going to try to be more open again and post more regularly. So, I’ll confess away:
- Sleep. I’ll confess that sleep at night has been elusive. Insomnia has been my companion for the last 5 weeks now. No matter what I do– take Benadryl, melatonin, turn on Night Shift on my iPhone, meditate before bed– invariably, 2-4 times a week I end up waking up around 2 AM and can’t get back to sleep. It’s been really frustrating. I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s been triggering it. Stress seems like the most likely answer, but I was stressed long before any of this started, and I do OK with self care. And then when I have nights I can’t sleep I get more frustrated and feel like it’s something I should be able to fix….ugh.
- To take care of exhaustion related to the insomnia issue, I nap after I get the kids home from school. So there.
- My oldest is going to middle school next year and I’ll admit I’m getting really nervous. I’m not upset that she’s getting older, it’s that I REALLY suffered through middle school and I’m just so worried that my sweet little girl will have to figure out how to navigate this universally yucky part of life.
- I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple of months about this concept of “kin keeping“– the stuff that we do as caregivers that’s impossible to quantify and monetize. There’s a lot of existential angst that comes BOTH from doing all of the things that are invisible to so many as well as the guilt that happens when those things get forgotten. I’m still thinking about it.
So that’s what I’ve got for today. If it seems like my issues are minor, I’m sorry…but this is where I am today. For the rest of you, hang in there. Let’s see how things are next week, ok?